Monday, September 17, 2012

You Are More Than Just a Coat

It's inevitable. It's been cold in the mornings, cold in the evenings and hot in the afternoons. The cool crispiness is going to close in upon itself slowly, slowly, and then bam! We will be carving pumpkins before we know it.

As much as I love summer, with it's liberal drinking hours and "sunbathing" as an excuse to lay around all day I hate dressing for it. Like most native Washingtonians, I suffer from Pacific Northwest Style Syndrome. Most of the clothing I own is intended for the nine months of gray drizzle we endure each year. Summer is a small blip on my fashion radar. I celebrate by cutting my worst jeans into a pair of short shorts.

I happily shivered as I waited for the bus this morning, for the first and surely only time all year, and wished I had brought a coat. I LOVE FALL. We get drink hot coffee again as we stomp through crunchy leaves! We get to go to the corn maze with our friends! It's time to start thinking about Halloween costumes! It's almost my birthday! AND THEN IT MIGHT SNOW!

I know many of you are probably poo-pooing my great big welcome to fall. I understand. We're gonna be stuck inside a lot more. Our hair will be misted upon. And cold weather presents it's own style challenges, the worst of which being the onset of mackinaw madness.

The lamest thing about Autumn and Winter is that you see (and are seen in) way more coat than outfit. Choose your outerwear carefully! It's going to represent you as you jaunt, shivering, down the street for the next several months. Better make it count!

Even if you're going to be rocking the same jacket all season, don't fret! There are plenty of ways to jazz it up.

Snuggle Up in a Fancy Scarf 

Never wear the same scarf two days in a row. Pashminas (knock offs and the real thing) come in every color and style you can imagine and the market is so saturated you can find them anywhere for almost nothing. You can arrange them in a million different ways and even if you're just throwing it on as you were trying to run out the door without letting the cat out it falls in a way that oozes natural, effortless cool. They're also so soft and long they can serve as a blanket or head warmer if you miss the bus and have to wait another twenty minutes in the freezing dark.

Traditional knit scarves are another neck nuzzler that will never go out of style. You can make your own in any color or pattern you want. It's not hard at all, just time consuming. All you need to know is the most basic straight stitch and I will bet you two kittens that there's someone in your life that knows how and would love to teach you. Get your girlfriends and crafty minded boyfriends together and start a knitting club. You can drink tea or champagne and gossip. Or watch True Blood.

Pin it and Patch It

Go to an antique market stall and load up on brooches and pins. Ask your grandma if she has anything laying around that she's ready to part with. You could have one signature pin that you wear on every jacket or go the eccentric route and cover a lapel with a bunch of different, complementary sparkly baubles until your entire collar is a cool confusing forest of sparkling retromania.

If you're feeling edgier, go for those little button badges that have been a punk rock staple since the dawn of time. They are easy to find and go back ages, so you could mix a Nixon campaign badge with a tiny circle of nonsense words and your favorite band all on the same jacket. And they cost next to nothing.

The world is full of cool patches and iron ons too, so if you have a coat or cardigan that's just a little too blah, jazz it up with an applique. Sure, sewing it on gets can be a little tedious, but what else do you have to do when it starts getting dark at five and we're stuck inside most of the time? So satisfying to finish.

Pop That Collar

My favorite winter coat is long, black, slim cut and originally from Old Navy. But I bought it  secondhand for like six bucks. I like to pop the collar up when I wear it because it makes me feel like Bob Dylan (or Count Chocula).  Inevitably, someone always reaches out and tries to smooth it out for me which I react to by batting their invasive fingers away and being all like "Eff you, I'm being Bob Dylan today". That's what fashion's all about anyway, right? Confusing your friends.

On a jacket is the only acceptable way to pop one's collar without being accidentally invited to play beer pong at a frat house. If you have long hair and wear the ends under the coat you'll look like a cool French girl. Or a secret agent. I think that's what we're all secretly aspiring toward anyway.

Keep Your Head Warm

I am a hat person. I became one out of necessity when I had the genius idea to try a pixie cut in January. Suddenly I understood why humans have hair on their heads. It makes a big difference in keeping you warm!

This is why I prefer cold weather. I get my hats back. Instant solution to the bad hair day! I generally prefer the slouchy beret (mostly because I have a giant head) but there is a hat for every personality.


I see a lot of girls wearing those wide fedora things in fashion editorials and celeb tabloid shots, but not so much in real life. I think it looks great though! Maybe you should be the one to bring that trend from Hollywood to Olympia.

And, as we all know from my rant on inappropriate headwear, I looooove the turban. Never has grandma chic looked so sexy and elegant. If all those bitchin' babes of the 40s could pull it off, so can you.
"I am so warm! And so cute!"

Confidential to those I offended when I mused upon the wearing of short shorts and ski hats: Now is the appropriate time to start rocking those. With pants. And maybe boots or a flannel.

Other Ways To Look Unique When You Feel More Like a Coat Than a Person:

Earmuffs! I hate wearing them because they get in the way of blocking out the crazies with headphones, but when I see them on other people I melt from the cuteness.

Eyeglasses! People love to talk shit about "hipsters" with fine vision wearing fake glasses, as though you have to earn poor eyesight or something. As someone born with terrible eyesight who sacrificed many a middle school afternoon and vision therapy-ed her way to 20/25 vision (yes this is a thing and it actually works) I waggle an limp, ignore-y hand to the haters. In the right glasses you can look downright sexy. I always want to make passes at people in glasses. 

 Cute headbands and bows in the hair! Maybe even a  new haircut or color. Fall and Winter are times of death and reinvention. Fight it with playful hair accessories or embrace it openly with a whole new 'do.

Statement earrings! Switch up into some giant sparkly earrings every now and then and people will so drawn to what's framing your pretty face they won't notice you've been too cold to take that parka off for the last few weeks.

Red lipstick! As your tan fades, it will look bolder and sexier than ever before. And we already taught you how to do it right. YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE.

We can't put off the cold weather forever; at least we have your love to keep us warm.

We Love You!
Andrea and KT 

Do you have any secret tips to get through the winter blahs? Leave us a comment, be our friend on Facebook or have your little bird tweet to us @ScuzzTown.

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