Saturday, July 28, 2012

Today's Reason to Wear a Dress: Pants

According to that amazing holiday website I discovered during the last post I made, today is Take Your Pants For a Walk Day! Which is something I wish I knew this morning while I spent 45 minutes dressing myself, sulking, undressing and then putting the very same thing back on again.

"Unless you are wearing a dress or a skirt, you probably are wearing pants. So, by definition, as you walk, they come along."- anonymous "Take Your Pants For a Walk" Day expert


I take that quote to mean that instead of doing what everyone in the holiday spirit is doing (wearing pants) I should be original and do the opposite (not wear pants). And unless I want to get arrested for public indecency, I would HAVE to wear a dress. So that is what I've been doing all day. Wearing a shirt tucked into a skirt, connected together with a belt which I'm willing to bet looks very much like it's own little dress.

And there you have it! Dress up excuse! Holiday rebellion!

However, if you aren't into the whole anti-celebrating weird and random holiday thing I've decided to include one other optional Dress-Wearing Excuse: Because you're hungover and it's easier to put your legs through one hole rather than two.

See how easy it is to say YES!? Even when near a pantsed person.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Today's Reason to Wear a Dress: All or Nuttin

While bopping around the shop as only shopgirls do, I found my little head asking itself a question. Is today special somehow?

After wondering such a thought, I knew I had to find the answer. So I searched on the web to see and sure enough today is actually a holiday! And so is almost every other day of the year! According to a crazy holiday website out there in internet town, Today - July 26th - is All or Nothing Day!

 Which means why would you NOT dress in your absolute best? And why would you dare decline a chance to be fancy? And how on earth could you resist smiling so wide that your head almost falls off?!! While wearing a dress. Or something, anything that makes you feel like a trillion bucks. It's just ridiculous not to.

So if the internet is correct and if today is indeed the holiday it claims it is then we suggest going to the extreme! Drink wine mixed with coke like they do in Europe! Put all of your jewelry on at once! Wear a ponytail in the FRONT of your head! Walk around in platforms! Heck, why not go naked?!!

Get in the holiday spirit. All or nothing. You can probably lay low and dress normal tomorrow. It's just Aunt and Uncle Day.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Forget Pajama Day! The Spirit Week Approach to Personal Style

I have always wanted to be one one of those people that plans out their outfits ahead of time. I can count on one hand the number of evenings I have spent neatly laying out the next day's look. I like to live in the moment, maaan, so planning is not my strongest suit (evidenced by the fact that I had to Google how to cook the Hot Pocket I ate for breakfast at work this morning).

Most of the time I manage to make it work. I am usually ankle deep in a pile of laundry of varying cleanliness with only one item that I DEFINITELY FOR SURE want to wear that day, pulling stuff off the floor and out of the closet and trying to match them to The Chosen Thing. Then I try on a bunch of shirts and shoes and, wait should I wear tights? The bus is gonna come in like seven minutes and I still need to feed the cat, and are my keys still in my bag? Forget it, I'll figure out something amazing to wear with these shoes tomorrow instead.

Because of this, I end up wearing a lot of black.  My go to outfit is usually black skinny jeans and a black turtleneck and it's fine. Throw a nice pair of boots, sunglasses and some chandelier earrings and it looks fairly chic. Passable for work, a little overdressed for happy hour, I look like a spy at the grocery store. But the thing is, on me, it's predictable. You could put betting odds on whether or not I'll show up in the same black Target turtleneck I've had for years.

This, my friends, is called Being In A Rut and I was in one bad over the winter. I wanted to be fabulous all the time but I was tired of everything I owned. I was trying to think of ways to freshen up my wardrobe without having to spend money. And then one day it came to me...

Remember Spirit Week at high school? The week leading up to homecoming where every day had a different theme; pajama day, decade day, dress like an old person day, leading up to the inevitable School Colors Friday? I never participated because the only thing that has ever surpassed my love of dressing up was my hatred of high school. But I remember this being A Thing That Happened and so
I started thinking in terms of spirit week.

I took out my notebook and wrote out each of the days of the week and then assigned a theme/inspiration for each day.

From the outside, dressing with flair seems like a matter of simply choosing great pieces and putting them together correctly. The tricky part is consistency. No matter what I wear I want each outfit to be able to coexist in the same universe. I want to look unique every day but not like I'm wearing a costume. That's why I like the Spirit Week model. It doesn't mean you're wearing the same outfit every Tuesday (Your therapist and the UPS driver would think you only had one look!). It just means you saved yourself some time on Tuesday morning because you already knew what vibe you're going for.

Of course, it's up to you to pick your own themes for each day. Once you start thinking about it the possibilities just flood in. Downton Abbey Day? Sailor Moon Day? David Bowie Day? Oh yes please!

It also makes shopping easier because it helps you narrow down what you need. It's so easy to go into Forevs and just pull shit off the rack, but then you end up with a lot of stuff you'll never wear. If you've been doing the Spirit Week system for a little bit you'll start thinking "If only I had a braided black belt, which I could wear with my country singer outfits AND on metal babe day!" Oh God, that sounds like planning!!

So yeah. Think of this as the training wheels on the road to daily fabulosity.  Rah rah, sis boom bah! Shop Girl Spirit Forever!

Sunday, July 22, 2012

The Art of Tucking It In

Oh, boyfriends of the world! Are you mad at us? Do you feel excluded? There's a whole lotta stuff for the girls on this blog and just that little list of grievances for the boys... But you know we love you right? We wanted to do something nice for you, since you've all been doing such a good job cleaning the mustard off your shirts and not hollering at us from cars at us lately.

Which is why when resident genius and the Hemingway of our generation, Carter W. Foster, offered to write a little something for the menfolk our hearts skipped a beat and we clicked our heels in joy. Behold, hotties of Scuzz Town:

The Art of Tucking It In
 By Carter Wilberforce Foster
It took me until the ripe age of 22 to recognize the benefits of tucking it in. Sure, some may say this a little late and label me as a late bloomer or underdeveloped or lame. But I wanted my first time to be good, memorable, and this required some, not overindulgent, research. I wanted to at least look like I knew what I was doing. I know I am not alone, and you virgins aren’t either. Here is a quick list of the why’s and how’s to help you look chic, smart, and tuck it in like a pro.

This may come as a surprise, but some people go as long as a lifetime without ever tucking it in. It can be daunting, and certainly a lot pressure surrounds the issue. For starters, more of your personal self will be exposed. Some find their midsections to be unflattering when tucking it in. And those budding fruits beneath your drawers will be missing a familiar layer. But do not worry, it has been proven time and again that you, typically, spend more time worrying about your own appearance than does anyone else. Mostly others will only see you as neat, together, and mature. You’re beautiful, and we all know it, so get out there and tuck it in!

I know what your going to say: “But won't I need protection?” Yes, you will. Which is why you should immediately invest in a belt. Cloth or leather makes no difference and some swing both ways or choose the reversible route. Me, I personally like the one tone leather classics, but it makes no difference so long as it is true to who you are. I, also, prefer the undershirt, but some like the naturalness of going without. If you choose an undershirt, I would suggest limiting your options to a crew tee, v-neck, or tank. White, black or gray, they all give the same amount of love.

There is really only one rule when it comes to tucking it in: keep it tight. Like most things, it starts with prep. But it’s easy, just try putting your shirt on before your pants, when you’re slipping your pants on, guide the tails of your shirt in between you and the pants. There will be a bit of poof, but limit this by doing a further tuck before fastening the pants. You want your body to speak, not the shirt. The cut of the shirt is going to really matter for this. The idea is to keep it fitted to your contours but not busting at the seams. Don’t have your chest stretched so tight that your dinner guests are protecting their eyes while they wait for those buttons to shoot off. You also don’t want to have to shove too much down your pants or have an air pillow ring around your waist. Make sure the shirt doesn’t go much lower than the bottom seam of your front pockets. But don’t stress a little poof, it’s natural. If you’re feeling insecure, visit a tailor and she/he will provide you with the right type of solace.

People with a bit of a tummy, I know what you’re thinking. “But won't this accentuate my stomach?” Yes, but in the most productive and attractive way. It’s alright that you’ve got a little extra in front, but tucking in or not, the stomach doesn’t disappear. No matter the body type, not tucking it in can, and mostly does, come across as sloppy, lazy and unkempt, which we all know you aren’t. Don’t be afraid to show what you’re working with. By tucking it in you will look more tightly secure. Your profile will certainly look better, more naturally contoured, and all around sophisticated.

Now, I have unfairly led you on this entire time without explicitly letting you know that I have a partner. My love: the button down. I admit, it was unfair of me to not tell you before, but now I want to let know just how polyamorous I can be—when it comes to tucking it in. I personally have a faux-pas rule when it comes to tucking in a tee. But Bruce Springsteen did it and so do a whole heap of sleek lookin’ babes. Let’s just say it’s not unheard of and leave at that. Same goes for the polo. So, is there a jeans versus slacks or trousers kind of rule? Nope, it’s pretty much anybody’s game. Now sometimes leaving it un-tucked truly can give you that relaxed look, as so many people like to argue. But as I see it, most un-tucked shirts look sloppy, though occasionally a nice jean pant and button-down combo can look relaxed and ultra cool. These are the things you will have to experiment with as you mature in this newfound world. Comforts and tastes will change and you have to have an open mind and operate at the pace you choose.

  "I personally have a faux-pas rule when it comes to tucking in a tee. But Bruce Springsteen did it and so do a whole heap of sleek lookin’ babes. Let’s just say it’s not unheard of and leave at that."

Now, if I haven’t got you by now, you must be thinking: “Isn’t this for adults? Like the ones with real jobs, marriages and babies? Doesn’t The Man tuck it in?” For starters, it’s about time some of us grew up. Also you don’t need a real job to look cool. Nine out of ten doctors tuck it in, and none of them look as good as you will; they don’t keep it tight like you will. Certainly tucking it in may help you get a job or a date to make a baby, but this doesn’t have to be the measure of success for your cool style. As for The Man, sure he tucks it in, but sometimes the only way to stop Him is to beat him at his own game. Look cool and tight, and The Man can’t come near you.

Well that’s about all I can advise. Don’t sweat the insecurities, keep it tight and remember the most important thing is to have fun and look good while doing it. The rest is on your shoulders. Or your waist-line.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Dress Like Her! Issue Two: Dial M for Marvelous

I remember seeing Rear Window for the first time as a wee little thing. Such intrigue. Such quiet intensity. So much voyeurism! And so I was introduced to that long-necked blonde swan of a woman, Grace Kelly. She may have been my first real lady crush...

Grace Kelly just oozed femininity. Her signature soft golden waves, her sweet nature, the way she moved around a room with such poise and polish! She was a doll if ever there were one. And who isn't drawn to lovely people?! For not only was she a great actress, she was known as one of the kindest, most genuine ladies in the biz.

And then there was her style!  She was a member of the International Best Dressed List since 1960. She influenced women all over the world with her seamless elegance and poise.

 Two years ago, the Victoria and Albert Museum in London held an exhibit featuring replicas and true pieces of her fantastic wardrobe. It was called "Grace Kelly: Style Icon" of which Suzy Menkes of The New York Times wrote, "“Style Icon” is a good title for the legacy of a woman who represented the elegance and innocence of a pre-feminist America, when pure beauty was fashion’s holy grail." 

With each year that passes, I notice my closet is looking more and more like a Grace Kelly calender. Cinched waist dresses, delicate fabrics, soft shaded frocks, very few accessories, solid colored heels. When one thinks of a "Classic Look", they can't help but picture Grace.

Oh, and did I happen to mention she was the Princess of Monaco?! A marriage that ended her film career and disappointed a great many fans. But there was no heir to the throne and Prince Rainier III needed a wife. So at the peek of her career, the highest height of her stardom, Grace saved Monaco from once again being ruled by France. By becoming Princess Consort of Monaco, abandoning her career, giving up her American citizenship and beginning her role as a ceremonial leader.

But lucky for us, films are timeless! Which means that despite her depart with stardom, Grace and her magnificent style will always live on as an inspiration for many generations of girls to come!

Jimmy Stewart said this about Grace: "You know, I just love Grace Kelly. Not because she was a princess, not because she was an actress, not because she was my friend, but because she was just about the nicest lady I ever met. Grace brought into my life as she brought into yours, a soft, warm light every time I saw her, and every time I saw her was a holiday of its own."

To get Grace's signature style, just think of these two words: simple elegance. When it comes to jewelry, less is more. Stick to solid colors and fitted pieces. Pair high heels with dresses and loafers with slacks. Brush your hair one trillion times a day and sip champagne on beautiful terraces while searching for your dream prince. (JK!) But really, you'll be looking like a princess in no time!

Above is a modern day take on the Grace Kelly look! She may not have ever carried a wacky owl bag but we think it's a HOOT!

"I don't want to dress up a picture with just my face." -Grace Kelly

Friday, July 20, 2012

Today's Reason to Wear a Dress


Because it's gloomy out, you're up early and the fair rides have yet to start spinning. A dress is the easiest thing to wear when sloshing through puddles. (Who wants to walk around all day with wet socks?!)

And there's something quite calming about browsing through trinkets with no agenda. Plus aren't mannequins just so freaking fun to look at!!?

 So we suggest using a little bit of window shopping as a dress-up excuse (not that you ever need one!). You never know what fancy find you may acquire... or whose glance you may attract!

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Shopgirls Guide to Livin' the Dream Life

Tips and tricks I have acquired from listening to my elders and living in the same town since I was born. Do you have something to add? Let us know...

1. There is no such thing as being overdressed. Only haters will say otherwise.

2. Be nice to everybody...You never know what crowd you'll be mixed in with a few years down the line.

3. The secret to looking young forever? Sunscreen and a lot of champagne.

4. Going to bed in make up is not the crime your grandma led you to believe. Even Lady Gaga does it:

"When asked how many nights per week she goes to bed wearing makeup, she replies, 'Seven'."

5. If your lover doesn't kiss you right, take you out, is mean to your friends, etc., it's time to go fishing for a new one. You can't ignore that glaring dealbreaker forever and there are plenty of cuties in the sea.
I tire of you...

6. As much as we all love to resist the idea, everything really does happen for a reason.

7. You can get your beauty sleep when you're dead.
Wake up...wake up! There is still kissing to be done!

8. Money woes suck balls but we've all been there and those types of things tend to work themselves out. If they didn't, we'd all be sleeping on the sidewalk by now.

9. There's a lid for every pot, a mate for every soul and the perfect lipstick for everyone, somewhere out there in the world. Sometimes you just have to do some searching.

10. Leopard print is totally acceptable as a neutral.
Or as anything. From The Sartorialist.

11. Having a crush, or crushes, is good for the soul. Even if it results in nothing more than longing glances and extra trips around the block.
He's never washing that hand again.

12. Sometimes being mysterious is the sexiest way to be.

13. All things you do, good or bad, return to you in threes. Keep that in mind.

14. Giving a shit about something is sexy. It's easy to get bored of someone who doesn't have any opinions.

"A very dorky passion is much better than no passion at all."-Aristotle

15. If you have a great idea for a tattoo, especially if you're young, get out your planner or calendar, turn to the date one year later, and write it down. When you get to that page next year and you still like idea call your artist ASAP and get it inked.

This lady probably did not take our advice.

16. Throwing a kitschy homemade birthday party for your BFF can be the perfect gift. Bake a cake, paint a cute banner and just invite the people they really love.
If they don't like your cake decorating skills, they're not really your friend.

17. Sometimes it's best to take a chance. There's a million reasons not to do something, but will it really matter in 5 years if you sell all your stuff, buy a plane ticket as far as you can go and wander until your visa expires? Every now and then, turning your life completely upside down can be the best thing you can do.

"I don't regret the things I did, but those I did not do!" Vrooom!
18. There's no point in wasting time hating your body. Unless you wanna pull a Heidi Montag and pay some wacko a million dollars to rearrange your butt fat, you're gonna waste a lot of precious time worrying about something you can't change. Lookin' good has nothing to do with your height or your waistline. It's all about finding what looks good on you and serving it up to the world slathered in confidence.

19. There is no such thing as too much glitter. Anyone who tells you otherwise just finds you threatening to their image as a lumberjack (and who wouldn't love to see a glittery lumberjack?!). You won't even die if you accidentally eat it! (Just don't eat that much...)

20. Once the wild rebellious teen years are over, it's great to count your mom (or dad, or parental figure) as a friend. You will be shocked at how similar you are and no one else in the world will ever know you as well as she does and still like you.
Eventually they stop trying to pull this kind of shit.

21. Telling someone how you feel is hot. Why waste time pining when you could be making out? Bonus: Great excuse to make a mix tape. Or to rent a marching band and get a street closed.

22. When the shit's hitting the fan and you feel like nobody likes you, the best thing you can is hop to the library, check out something fascinating, make a blanket fort and turn your phone off. Get lost in another world and don't come out until everybody's knocking down the door to your fort, begging you to return to their world.

23. So many women say "No no no, I could never wear heels! I'd break an ankle instantly!". This is just not true. Here's the secret to wearing heels (for your eyes only): Buy a nice pair of medium height with a chunkier heel that won't mess up your feet (Born is a great brand for the uninitiated). Throw a pair of flats in your bag just in case, but wear them wear them wear them for as long as you can. Do this every day for a week and you'll be jogging in stilettos in no time! This strategy totally works and adding heels to an outfit makes your legs and body look amaaaaaazing!

24. Print your digital pictures and do it often. You never know when your computer might die or be stolen, or maybe the world will end and Instagram won't be a thing anymore! (Oh, the horror!). You wanna be able to show your grandkids how snacky you looked as a teen, so plan ahead. Even better, take more photos with film. It looks 100 times better anyway.

25. And finally, for now, wearing pretty underwear is never a mistake.
"I may never walk again, but the paramedic was certainly charmed"

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Playlists for All Occasions: #1

We know how influential music can be on life events. Which is why we've decided to offer you kids the chance to utilize playlists we've made as accompaniment for various Human Being Activities.

And so we are letting you take advantage of our "Clean the House Like Only a 60's Housewife Knows How (But With Better Style and Less Sinatra)" Playlist.

Warning: genres and eras will collide. But your agenda shall not be scathed upon listening!

Just click the link below and you'll be scrubbing that scum with a smile on your face in no time!

Feel Like a Lady in Scuzztown: Tip #1

If your house looks like a pack of randy wrestlers came charging through it, you're probably itching to make it spotless again. This generation, we know, associates 'cleaning' with wearing your most scuzziest of frumps. Putting a bandana around your head, leaving your pajamas on and getting your Grime Time on.

As shopgirls, we suggest an alternative: Find those high heels you've got buried in the back of your dangerously cluttered closet. The ones you never have a reason to wear. The ones you purposefully forget about. The ones that you're terrified of. And PUT THEM ON.

I spent my entire birthday afternoon cleaning in my highest of heels. Oh my stars, was it liberating! I was breaking them in, I was feeling confident, I was listening to good records, I was GETTING IT DONE. Plus, I could reach things I'd have to climb counters to score. It was such a wonderful feeling.

So step one to feeling like a lady in Scuzztown, USA is to dress fancy at home. Scrub the counters in a party dress. Sweep the floor in stilettos. Take out the trash with curls framing your face, darling! Because feeling like a million bucks while no one's watching is the first step to feeling fantastic in the huge wide world.

Hello! Shopgirl Motto!

We know how hard it is to show yourself off. Especially when you're a female that's constantly surrounded by Scuzztown brats. Which is where we Shopgirls come in! During our career as recreational fashiony bloggers, we wish for only one outcome: To give you every reason to feel absolutely fantastic! To push you into leaving the house in nothing but your loveliest of get ups. To remind you that self expression is crucial. Not only for making impressions on the world but also for letting yourself be the person you've always wanted to become.

As one girly half of this blog, I'd like to share my story with all you dear readers! I recently moved here from big-shouldered Chicago where I went through many phases of fashion. I was a long-skirted, flip-flop wearing hippie. I went through a trend of only wearing dresses with tights and uncomfortable flats which was followed closely by my "I'm gonna be riding my bike everywhere and then working at a diner" attire. Which included stretchy mini skirts, leggings, weird shirts and big cardigans. I thought all "fashion" was pretentious. I wanted nothing to do with it. I only shopped for comfort, for good deals and for things I wouldn't feel bad about spilling red wine on.

Fast forward a couple of years. I get hired at a whimsical, lovely dress shop. I buy my first pair of heels since senior prom - with much success! I dive head first into the world of ladylike fashion. And I haven't turned back!

I never thought I'd own more than two pairs of shoes at once and I definitely never thought I'd get excited about putting a belt on over a dress! But I've realized that fashion is an art. It takes a keen eye, an open-minded color palette and the courage to prance around in something that may cause a double take. I love it! It makes every morning so much more significant.

This blog is the creation of two like-minded shopgirls that believe fashion is something so much greater than all of us. It can make us feel beautiful or cozy or fearless or safe. It can open doors, it can paint pictures, it can start conversations and it can most certainly turn heads! So we'd like to invite you to relish the newest wrinkle. Let it into your life. And... EMBRACE THE VOGUE!

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Dress Like Her! Issue 1: Only You Can Do It!

I think most of us have a person or two that we try to channel when we get dressed in the morning. I have about a million and though I'm madly in love with all of them, my queen, the titan of my fashion fever dreams, is the one and only Francoise Hardy.

Seriously, what a babe. And she is cool as hell. She was raised by her mother alone. Her absent father gave her a guitar as a graduation gift and she scored a record deal when she answered a newspaper ad for young singers. She was always incredibly shy and struggled with it her entire career but she basically lived my dream life- she was the It Girl of France in the 60s, released all sorts of succulent pop music in French, German, English, even Portuguese.  Mick Jagger described her as his "ideal woman" but she rejected him. Jean-Luc Godard put her in a movie. Fucking Bob Dylan wrote a poem about her.

As amazing as she is, she was never comfortable with her professional life and always felt that the Francoise Hardy presented to the world was a completely different person. As soon as she could, she peaced out on the French Pop Industrial Complex, had a baby with, and eventually married, Jacques Dutronc...

Scuzztown Body Language Expert says they're pretty into each other.


If only I was fluent in French and could afford to buy a copy of this. (She's a Capricorn, in case you're a curious astrology nerd like me).

Though she wasn't lovin' it, Francoise's style is timeless and looks just as fresh in 2012 as it did back then. She perfected understated sexiness. Her look often bordered on tomboyish but no one would doubt her femininity for a second. Those doe eyes, that perfect hair, those cheekbones!

Feeling like you need to infuse your life with a little more 60s French Cool Girl Swag? You've come to the right place.

The Shopgirls Guide to Channeling Mme. Francoise:

Une: Press Play.
This song is high up there on my summer jams this year. I feel like I'm speeding down a country road in a vintage convertible with the cutest boy in town whenever I listen to it.

Deux:  Regarde ça!

Ici! All of the elements necessary to make people think you just hopped off the red eye from Charles De Gaulle.

Bronzer- Oh, the magic of contouring. Because we weren't all blessed with cheekbones that could cut glass.

Nude Lipstick and Black Cat Eyes- Quiet sexiness is all about neutrality. Play down your beautiful lips a bit and they'll be lost in your eyes.

Black Cigarette Pants-Looking hot in cigarette pants is much healthier than having actual cigarettes in the pockets of your pants.

White Turtleneck- Minimalist sex appeal, perfect for when your striped shirt is dirty.

Black Ankle Boots, Striped Tee and a Trenchcoat- Frenchies love Trenchies! Ooh la la! Pair them with Geometric Sunglasses and a Floppy Hat and hopefully the rock n roll dreamboy whose calls you've been ignoring won't recognize you when you pass on the street. (We doubt it, beautiful, but you can try).

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Advice for the Modern Gentleman

Shopgirls' Guide to Not Being a Scuzzbutt:

1. Wearing stained clothing in public is just sad. If you dropped mustard on your shirt while eating a hot dog, that's fine. It's human. But go the extra mile, find some club soda and start scrubbing. There's nothing that looks worse on a shirt than yesterday's lunch.

2. If someone happens to walk by that you're attracted to (suddenly), we suggest offering her a smile. Maybe even a flower or a quick hello, a 'how do ya do'. Never in the world is it appropriate to cat call, hoot n' holler or scream from a moving car at a girl you think is fly. Despite what you may have been told while growing into larger boys, no lady is going to go home with you because you yelled out how fine she looks from across the street. We can't speak for all the girls of Scuzztown, of course but we can honestly say that such behavior only makes us want to put another layer on, quicken our pace and drink a lot of vodka at the darkest of bars.

3. OFFER TO BUY A LADY A DRINK. We're willing to bet she'll buy the next round. You'd be surprised how sweet ladies can be!

4. Being mysterious is very cool- sexy even! We have to admit, it draws us in sometimes, leaves us yearning for more! But we've had quite enough of the 'Oly Diss', okay!?
If you're not interested in a person, tell them that. If you decide you'd rather not hang out with them on a given night, send them a brief little text message. If you don't have a phone, tie a note to the neck of a raven and hope it reaches the bar.
Communication is a human necessity. Without it, we're all just weird voiceless creatures gaily bouncing off one another like fruit rolling around a sloppy floor.
So get with it and speak up!

5. Sulking/whining/pouting is actually for ACTUAL babies. Unless you're going through something tragical, keep the sniffling to yourself. There are few things more annoying than hanging out with a person that thinks 'complaining' is the same as 'talking'.

6. BRING BACK THE DATE, YOU GUYS!! Hanging out on your basement couch is fun and all but we can do that with almost anyone. Why not try and woo us a little? All it takes is a free evening, a public location and maybe some clean pants. Throw the element of surprise in there, a pinch of charisma and you've pretty much got yourself a date!

7. BE POLITE. You don't have to do outrageous flip flops through a hoop or anything but it would be nice if you could appreciate the company you're with. Make that person feel important. Ask them questions about themselves while actually listening to their answers. Let yourself be open-minded and consider their opinion during discussions. Try not to be boastful nor talk too much. Humility is a fine quality and arrogance only attracts the weak and insecure.

We'll update you when more advice for the modern gentleman comes to us, dear readers. But for now, follow our simple plan and you'll probably be the only male in town with a girlfriend... or three!