Thursday, August 30, 2012

Today's Reason to Wear a Dress: On the Rebound (Kind Of...)

You got through Manic Monday.
Tuesday was whatever.
Hump Day went by in a wine-fueled blur.
And here we are. It's Thursday and that very special someone has still not called!

Well, have no fear. SHOP GIRLS ARE HERE!!!

"Oh Hooray!" - Anonymous

It doesn't take a genius to notice when one is being ignored. But it does take a large amount of courage to dust one's shoulders off and get back up again. We Shop Girls know exactly how that feels. And having an astronomical amount of experience under our brightly hued belts, we have decided to put an end to all of the needless suffering.

"Mirror mirror in my hand, how do I get him to call again?"

Why not take all of the energy you'd spend self-loathing and make yourself feel fantastic instead?! Stop standing in front of the mirror making up future confrontations that could happen when you 'accidentally' bump into each other and start getting ready to go out! Put your favorite dress on. Slip your feet into a pair of snazzy (that's right, I said 'snazzy) heels. Let your hair do what it must and just get out of the goddamn house!

Go for a walk. If someone shouts at you from the other side of the street, ignore them. If a friendly face smiles at you, smile back. If you have a hankering for a creme puff, go get it! If your dress flies up in the wind, hold it down while laughing gaily. If you find a penny, pick it up. If you are thirsty, get anything but a cosmopolitan. If you drove a car, maybe you should not drink anything at all. If you feel tired, do not take an Ambien. Basically, do anything that keeps your spirits up and the wallowing down.

Even Ms. Fonda knows what's up.

We Shop Girls have a feeling that all of the dress wearing you'll be doing will send a wonderful message out to the world. And the world will hopefully send one back to you in the form of romance, fortune and/or cool new friends you meet while walking.

If you aren't feeling like taking your dress out for a walk, that's okay, too! You can always get dolled up, grab a box of kleenex, a trashy mag and listen to the playlist below. I made it just for pining situations.

Pine Away Playlist. (Lie down or stare off into space while listening).

And just so you know, there is absolutely nothing wrong with lying on the sofa and listening to sad music. Sometimes feeling forlorn can actually make you feel much better. The reminder that someone out there is always suffering more than you can make life seem far more extraordinary than it already appears to be. And life, in any form is quite fantastic.

Let's just recreate this moment. Every day!

So let's just enjoy it, dammit! Be it face down on a sofa, box of fine chocolate within reach or while wandering around the town with your head held high. As long as you're wearing a dress, the world is yours.

And if that certain incognito someone happens to walk by, well... they had better hope they've got a damn fine excuse. Or a great pair of running shoes!

Rawwwrrrrr we love you!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

MORE Advice For the Olympian Gentleman

At the moment I can hear the clang clang of traffic bells, alerting passersby of some sort of authority-related danger. I bring this up because lately I have begun to notice a trend happening in Olympia's downtown area. That trend is: Being a Ridiculous (and Oftentimes Dangerous) Weirdo.

I've scoured the city, interviewed street folk and came up with a list of tips for how to be dapper on a date while secretly being INSANE. If you know anyone that could benefit from this list please offer them a copy of it. And then walk briskly in another direction. Never turning around. Nor making eye contact.

Okay, okay. So maybe this has been going on in this city for ages. But I'm still two years fresh and I tend to notice things that people push to the back of their forgiving minds. So this is what I am offering tonight...

Advice for the Olympian Gentleman:  The Official Dating Guide for the Jobless Type

1. Do not walk around a metropolitan area without shoes on! 

We should've seen the warning signs... Barefoot, big teeth, weird accent.

I consider this to be a given but you'd be surprised how many folks take the barefoot plunge. Despite what we've all come to believe, 'sidewalks' are no longer meant for walking on (unless you're wearing something other than skin or flip flops). Think of all the chronic spitters, the dog shitters, the evening urinators, the wee hour thrower-uppers and the infamous naptime droolers.

I know it's cool to be chill and all 'whatever' but your feet are the one thing that's holding you up (assuming you don't have a wheelchair) so please keep those babies protected and saliva-free.

2. Even if you are a male, please (oh please!) keep your shirt on!

There's a reason convenient stores have handwritten poetic signs about this. Because it's not fair to us women that will get slapped with an 'indecent exposure' ticket if we try to pull the same thing. Also, one of my worst fears in life is to run head first into a stranger's naked chest. Especially if it's covered in sweat. And even more especially if my mouth happens to be open.

3. Keep your pets to a minimum. 

It's true. Girls tend to luuurrrvvv animals. Especially ones that have their shots and are well fed. Ones that get an endless supply of love and the promise of a warm bed at night. If you have five Pit Bulls that you pull around in a carriage along the side of the road then there's a chance that they aren't all getting the attention and affection that they deserve. If you walk around barefoot with a kitten on your shoulders, begging for change then maybe you can't afford to have a kitten.

My suggestion is to either find a stuffed animal you can carry around or... Become a Furry.*
Urban Dictionary's Definitions of A Furry

(I will give a hundred dollars to anyone that finds me that suit!)

*Actually the more I think about it, the more I agree with my previous statement. Everyone should probably just become a Furry... How cute/creepy!

4. Find a Way to Brush Your Teeth.

Toothbrushes are magical instruments and very hard to come by. They can clean your teeth while also preventing you from getting weird infections on the inside of your mouth. They can freshen your breath and tickle your tongue. They can clean toilets and faux finish walls. All of these uses in one little tool.

These days it's hard to find any such thing in the 'second hand but still clean' variety. I recommend splurging on such a treasure! If you do happen to get a kiss at the end of the night, your date will be MORE than pleased.

5. Play hard to get (AKA Do Not Beg to Be Let In).

If you're a human being in the modern world than you probably know about vampires. The secret is that as long as you don't invite them in, they can't GET in. Take this ancient rule into consideration when coming upon the end of a date.

Pretend you're a vampire that wants a thrill. And how exactly would you go about getting this lovely lady to let you into her home? The answer is simply to... Play It Cool.
The female race has a knack for sensing desperation. And unless they're on the rebound, it is not something they find attractive. So act like having a roof over your head is the last thing that's on your mind. If a torrential downpour is happening, feign enjoyment. Women love a man that loves nature. And Nature probably loves when you're not rolling around on her face so play your cards right and do the stuff.

(Note: If you are declined an indoor invitation, accept it with kindness. Never make a lady feel threatened. Because you have NO idea the wrath of a lady who finds out that you are really just a man secretly pretending to be a vampire in order to woo a lady into letting him use her shelter in more ways than one.)

6. Dumpster Diving is cool but save it for Date Number Two.

I haven't dumpster dived since I've lived in Oly but I have to admit that it used to turn me on. Any boy I was with suddenly became more... dirty. And rustic. Especially when wearing overalls...

But I recommend this sort of sexual role play for a later date. Maybe after she's met your Shoulder Cat at least twice and has come to accept the coarseness of your neck beard. When the time is right, I suggest taking her to a dumpster that has bagels and other such bread-related foods. Going diving for slimy half-eaten bananas and oysters amongst bags of sawdust makes for weird breath and a (possible) dozen trips to the outhouse.

ALRIGHT! YOU'VE MADE IT! You are well on the road to true dating bliss!
I'm going home now. Not to rub it in but... yeah.*

These guys have followed my lead. Go Team Wino!

*None of this version of More Advice For The Modern Gentleman is meant to offend or arouse negative feelings amongst any of this blog's readers. I've been drinking Pinot Grigio for a few hours and this was absolutely meant to be a burst of downright humor! But really though. If you know anyone that could benefit from these six tips, please print it out and hand it over to them with a smile!

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Dress Like Her Issue 3: The Girl With The Black Tights

We all get a little lazy from time to time. Perhaps we stayed up a little too late last night, working on our Great American Novels or figuring out how to synthesize clean energy in our fancy basement laboratories..

... Or maybe we were just drinking champagne with our friends and trying to draw the weekend out as long as possible. But I'm sure you were up to a more scholarly pursuit than that. We know how smart our audience is.

We all have those days where we wake up later than we meant to...and there are decisions to be made: do I take a shower, or do I get to work on time? Do I chain myself into a precious frock even though I'm hungover and would much prefer to be comfortable (and have the time to make breakfast)?

There are several women in the history books that have completely perfected just out of bed chic. My personal favorite?

Yeah, she looks pretty done up right here but Edie Sedgwick was the princess of roll out of bed and throw it on. But first a little back story:

Oh Edie...

She was born into a long line of Important People. Her family were wealthy "High Society" types for several generations. So of course their kids ended up kinda messed up. Living in that world would be enough to drive anybody mad, but Edie had the benefit of a dad who openly banged women that weren't his wife and a brother who would commit suicide in a psych ward... and then ANOTHER brother who died in a motorcycle accident.

As a result, she did what I think many of us would do if we had total freedom, a huge trust fund and decided we were pretty over our entire family having breakdowns, throwing us in institutions and dying all the time: She moved to New York City, and shacked up in a fancy apartment her mom decked out (before moving into the Chelsea Hotel, a personal dream of mine...) and started hanging out with crazy, drugged up artists.

  "It's not that I'm rebelling. It's that I'm just trying to find another way."
Her personal style attracted attention when the uptown girl went downtown cool, well documented in the newspapers' social columns. LIFE magazine joked that she was "doing more for black tights than anybody since Hamlet". And indeed, tights were a huge part of her signature style, a look that seemed so easy but had a lot of intention behind it:

"Fashion as a whole is a farce, completely. The people behind it are perverted, the styles are created by freaked out people, just natural weirdos. I know this because I worked with all those people while I was modeling."
Which is why, on days when I have been rocking and rolling all night and need to be somewhere and presentable in a hurry, I often channel Miss Edie. Here is an easy, step by step guide!

Edie in an Instant: A Shop Girls in Scuzz Town Guide

1. Mood Music

Bob Dylan and I share a lot of muses. Just like good old Francoise Hardy, some of his work is rumored to be about Edie. Particularly the songs Just Like A Woman and the somewhat insulting but pretty great as a "getting dressed" jam, Leopard Skin Pill-Box Hat.

 2. Why Bother to Wash Your Face?


The story goes that Edie's friends would get pissed at her because she took three hours to do her incredibly elaborate eye make up before she went out. But that's a good time investment because when you shellac it all on and then pass out in a puddle of champagne you can reuse it the next day!

So next time you've slept a half hour past the alarm, just put more makeup over last night's! You don't have to be an expert to smudge on too much black eyeshadow and your eyeliner can be far from perfect. Edie favored giant fake lashes but when there were none to be had she just drew those on too. A little lip gloss, or nothing on the lips at all, completes the look. Simple and dramatic. Draw a fake beauty mark on your cheek if you're feeling extra daring.

3. The Hair Part


Edie was naturally a brunette but her hair was all kinds and combinations of bleached, partially bleached and streaked with silver (rumored to be an effort to channel the wigs that her frenemie Andy would wear). Her hair always looked good without ever having to be perfect. She wore it short and tousled, penciling her strong eyebrows to make them even bolder. A look that doesn't require even a hairbrush? Yes please.

4. The Jewels


Edie was rarely without GIANT chandelier earrings and usually let those do the talking. She didn't wear much other jewelry most of the time, but when she did she selected it with care.

Here she is, wearing what looks a whole lot like a rosary as jewelry. Girlfriend knew how to piss people off.

And here, she is wearing only moderately giant earrings with a ton of chains. Wrapped up in another chain.

4. The Clothes

  "When I was with Andy Warhol I was dancing jazz ballet twice a day so i just wore my leotards and I knew I wasn't going to turn anybody on so I just trotted around in my leotards. When I went out on the street I'd put on a coat. But Vogue photographed me in leotards and a t-shirt as a new costume."

Edie was often found pantsless, usually in a leotard or a sweater, with a fur coat thrown over it. She was rarely without her black tights. She was so infamous for them that she did a photo spread called The Girl With The Black Tights for LIFE magazine. 

So next time you're flying out the door, all you need to do is throw on some black tights, a striped shirt long enough to cover your butt and some black kitten heels. Throw your sweet fur (ideally fake or at least secondhand) coat over the top and run for the hills, looking fab with your chandelier earring jangling and reflecting sunlight all over downtown.

"You have to put up with the risk of being misunderstood if you are going to try to communicate. You have to put up with people projecting their own ideas, attitudes, misunderstanding you. But it's worth being a public fool if that's all you can be in order to communicate yourself."

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Can't We Just Do the Twist Again?! Like We Did Last Decade.

I remember stepping foot into my first 'dance club'. It was in Milwaukee, right in the heart of its industrial district. The hotspot was called TomTom's and on Thursday nights you only had to be 18 to enter. So picture me wide-eyed and terrified; a freshman in college with a new found fascination for mixed drinks and strobe lights.

My best bestie and I hitched a ride with some upper classmen who frequented the joint. We hid flasks in our purses, eyes clumsily smudged from a brand new stick of eyeliner. I remember the heavy dread I felt upon entering this particular warehouse turned freak shack. The air was a smoke cloud, rainbow lights painting every surface.

The gang (I tagged along with) decided it would be cool to just 'check out the scene' at first. So we sat on weird stools, a strange world of movement surrounding us. It was then that I noticed EVERYTHING...

Now, maybe I should preface this story with a quick little history into my high school past. I was (and still mostly am) a dork. As the first born anything of my two crazy but loving parents, I was sheltered beyond understanding. I wasn't allowed to date until my senior year. I could rarely attend sleepovers. I missed any sort of field trip that included an overnight arrangement situation. I was not to use the internet without supervision, etc. You get the idea. Now, I wasn't some goody goody girl that sat in her room reciting scripture all night. Oh heavens no! I wasn't some sort of hobbit person! My life was fine and dandy and it was probably for the best that I didn't go running around with the troubled youth of a small Chicago suburb.
I just thought a brief summary of the post-college years would make my current story a bit easier to digest. Ahem.

 And so yes, EVERYTHING was coming into place. There I sat with my soda (because no one says 'pop' in Wisconsin), legs crossed, awareness level at full tilt. I couldn't believe my young eyes! Boys and girls, girls and girls, boys and boys all embracing each other in such a way that could only lead to suffocation. Pelvises bucked outward like a bronco during rodeo season. Women pressed their rumps against male lumps. Men bit their bottom lips while surveying the motions that occurred below. Every thrust and pump and wiggle seemed as if it were in slow motion while somehow keeping to the beat.

It didn't make sense to me. I had seen MTV. I had stumbled upon hip hop videos. I had been to school dances but this... This was COMPLETELY DIFFERENT in person! I don't know what I expected to find at Tom Tom's but jean jamming was definitely not on the list.

My pal group finally decided it was time to make a dance floor appearance. I wasn't about to sit out alone so I followed the young adult puddle in terror. Everyone I came with seemed to know what they were doing. They shook their bottom torsos in a horse-riding mime trick sorta way, kept their eyes on the floor and didn't say much after that. Suddenly serious faces scanned the crowd for possible dance partners as I decided to slyly use the bathroom every three minutes. Upon returning from one trip I discovered my best friend with a stranger in cargo shorts. It looked as if she were continually trying to sit on his lap. I watched, shuffled my feet and escaped to the bathroom again. This time for a huge shot from the flask.

Eventually I got trapped by a male who thought my skills were adequate enough to grind alongside. As soon as he approached, I froze. I thought that maybe if I stood still enough, he'd lose interest and find his dinner elsewhere. This technique is similar to how one hides from a T-Rex. I get all my social tricks from Jurassic Park. Anyways, it worked. He swaggered off soon after.

Now to get to the moral of this story: What the HELL happened to Dancing!?! If the previous recount took place over a decade ago, why on earth is it still happening? I thought trends came and went. I thought the 90's had ended. I thought that maybe, JUST MAYBE people would realize how ridiculous they look while humping each other in public. So far, not much has changed. But I still have hope! For if the human race can survive this long it can surely, most certainly learn how to dance.

Let's Get Informed!
This is what wikipedia has to say about the current style of dance most young people use today:
Grinding, also known as 'freak dancing' or 'freaking' is a type of close partner dance where two or more dancers rub or bump their bodies against each other, especially a male dancer rubbing his crotch against a female dancer's buttocks, in imitation of rear-entry or 'doggie-style' intercourse. 
(I couldn't find a photo of this particular dance that didn't make me feel slimy. I warned you, I'm a dork.)

Workin on that Chain Gang.
 Now that you know what we're up against, here are some suggestions that can help to change the way we all dance:

1. Learn how to do some old school dancing!
Start with the mashed potato. All you've gotta do is take turns smashing each foot into the ground as if you were killing a big bug or putting out a smoke. Keep your elbows bent and let your butt wiggle. It looks so very cute! Another is the Jamaican Ska Step. Instructions and diagram are here for your enjoyment and benefit!

The upper half of the body (waist up) keeps the beat by bowing forward with a straight back and a slight bend in the knees as in B.

At the first bow the arms extend out to the sides A. At the second bow the arms cross in front of the body B.

The body straightens up in the change from one position to the other. Continue in this way for the basic Ska step done on the spot.

For the basic side step, turn to the right by moving the right leg on the extension of the arms A then bringing up the left leg on the closing of the arms B.

Then to the left by doing the same with the left leg. The basic 'body beat' continues to be done during these moves.

Most people had two left feet back then so the dances were made easy.

2. Laugh, smile, have fun!
Whenever I accidentally step foot into a club I can't help but notice how intense everyone looks. People are staring at body parts instead of locking eyes. They're biting their lips and not saying a word. It all seems so terribly (and ironically) unsatisfying!

Someone's sure been practicing with their limbo stick.

3. If you find yourself in the throes of a club (also known as 'da cluuuurrrb'), try not to take it so seriously.

We, as people tend to worry too much about how others perceive us and a sea of sweaty, sex-hungry bodies is no exception. Do what you have to do to let loose and then take over that dance floor! Refuse to grind! Take matters into your own hands and shimmy shake yourself all over the place!
The normal club-faring folk may give you weird looks or shout explicit things at you but chances are you'll never see them again and if anything, you'll have a hilarious story to tell the kids.

4. Watch some classic dance movies for inspiration.
Up until the late 80's everything dance related was pretty damn great. In the 1920's you had the Jitterbug and the Charleston (think Great Gatsby and tassels). The thrill of Latin music sparked the Rhumba, the Mambo, the Cha Cha Cha and in the 60's Bossa Nova happened. In the 1950's and 60's the dance craze was at its peak! The Shake, The Watusi, The Swim and The Loco-motion are just a few of the notable trends. Then came (my personal favorite) disco music which gave us the Hustle, YMCA and the Bump. And onto the 80's when we all walked like Egyptians and learned how to spin on our heads.

Here are some gems you should check out. If you've seen them all already, I dare you to revisit them and pay attention to the way people moved and the clothes that they wore while doing it:

- Grease (Come on. Despite how much we trash talk it, we have to realize that Grease sparked many reminders in hearts everywhere of how exciting and wonderful things used to be.)
- Saturday Night Fever (This was my favorite soundtrack for years before I actually viewed it. Upon doing so, I fell head over heels in love. The acting, the accents, the fashion, the dancing: everything about this film is somehow realistically incredible!)
- Hairspray (The John Waters Version. Rickie Lake showed us that it doesn't matter what size you are, dancing is in the SOUL!)
- Flashdance (Because 20 years ago, exotic dancing meant more than just spinning on a pole.)
- Heavenly Bodies (Made at the height of aerobic popularity. Lots of leg warmers, bad acting and naked bods!)
- Girls Just Want To Have Fun (One of my favorite movies of all time because it takes place in Chicago, vaguely reminds me of my sheltered youth, revolves around an insanely heated dance competition and stars a young Helen Hunt, Sarah Jessica Parker and Shannon Doherty!)
- Dirty Dancing (Didn't expect that one, did ya?!)

5. Listen to music that you can't help but dance to!
That means music that makes you immediately tap your feet. Music that puts a smile on your face and a shimmy in your shake. Music that you don't hear everyday but when you do, it feels like magic.

Here is a link to a lil playlist for you to dance to. I DARE you to try and grind to any of these fantastic jams.

Dance as if no one is watching. Well, except for maybe your grandmother...

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Trends I Don't Understand: Summer Headwear Alternatives

Maybe I am not down with the young folks anymore. I try to be a live and let live kind of person, and I'm not really offended by this whole phenom...just confused.

What do driving to the bank with my ex-boyfriend, galavanting around Portland and staring out downtown windows for hours at a time, all ventures that took place on different days, have in common? Two things: it has been at least 80 degrees every time AND I keep seeing people wandering around in their skimpy summer costumes, looking tan and lovely, but topping them off with slouchy ski hats and beanies. Whaaaaat?

I first noticed when I was visiting my dad in Spokane. To the native Olympian, it is hotter than hell in Spokane during the summer. I was wandering downtown, bored and alone, when two teenage boys skated past me, shirtless but beanie-d. That did not baffle me so much. Teenage boys are weird anyway.

Last week I was in Portland, pounding the pavement in a vintage quarter sleeve polyester dress and wishing I could just drown in all the sweat I was producing, and saw SCADS of girls in short shorts, flip flops, spaghetti strap tank tops aaandd....SLOUCHY KNIT BEANIES.

And today, according to the magic robot phone that I use as a replacement for having a brain most of the time, it is 81 degrees in Olympia, Washington. If you have spent any other season here, you know that any dry temperature over 60 is a BFD and everyone walks around practically naked, hoping to store up enough vitamin D to make it through another 9 month winter. Today is no exception, except that semi nudity is topped off with more beanies than I've ever seen! ANOTHER ONE JUST WALKED PAST AS I WAS TYPING THIS. Hot or cold, male or female or who cares, apparently the whole town is having a bad hair summer, or just really hoping to look like Stan from South Park.

(I wish I had photos to illustrate this trend, but I can't really think of a non-awkward way to say "Can I take a picture of your wacky outfit to shame you on the internet? I promise I'll blur your face out!")

I'm not saying this looks bad. I am definitely a hat person. I used to have this oversized felt beret that I almost daily, until I lost it in a bar (the ultimate fate of everything I've ever loved) and probably would wear well into the summer if it still existed. I just worry about you kids...It's warm here for once! I don't want you to overheat.

So, if you are scratching your damp, ski-capped head that is dripping hot sweat onto your sunburned shoulders and thinking "Gee, K.T., you're right, but how shall I keep my scalp from burning?" here are my suggestions:

1. Floppy Hat

"We're going where?"

Floppy sun hats are not longer the domain of your crazy gardening neighbor. They're so classy! Protection from the sun with a dash of mystery. "Oh this old thing? I just picked it up to protect my pasty, pasty northwest skin while on vacation in Marseille...."
Matches the sweater, even.

Also, as long as they are not made out of felt, they tend to be well ventilated. Let your brain breathe! And, in a pinch, you can turn it upside down and use it as a basket.

Topping off a summer outfit with a hat like this makes more sense, to me at least. The other problem I have with this whole beanie business is that they tend to be a completely arbitrary color in relation to the rest of the outfit. Andrea looks so cute here, and you can practically feel her hat-citement! (Cool pun, right? My brain is melting).

2. Vintage Turban Style

Maybe this is just my own petty desire, but I want turban-style scarf wearing to be a thing again. The few times I have attempted it many were impressed but most people acted like I was a total weirdo.

Luckily I'm used to that. Let's make fetch happen, girls and guys! It's a great solution if you're going near water and don't wanna get your hair wet, too.
If you have a square scarf, a safety pin and a head, you can totally figure out how to tie it all up on your own, but for the more Type A among us, this tutorial pretty much sums it up.

3. Snapbacks

If you're a dude or more tomboy-minded, you probably aren't drooling at my other headcovering suggestions. Snapbacks are a hot thing right now and you can get them anywhere, but you better jump on that train soon because I have a feeling the world is soon to become over saturated with them and they will eventually rest in the same obnoxious graveyard as trucker hats and fedoras.

But for the time being they still look fairly cool, work well on dudes and ladies and will shade your eyes from the blinding sun. And are more fun loving and seasonally appropriate than something knit.
(If you have a cool pic of yourself wearing a snapback that you want to share with the world, email it us and I'll put it up here, cause everything I found on Google was either ugly or seemed like it would result in a letter from a lawyer if I posted it without paying).

In Conclusion:

If you simply feel naked without your beanie then go with it. I just might be eyeballing you, a little bit confused, from a passing car someday. It's a free country and as much as I wish otherwise, I am not yet the emperor of the Republic of Dresses.

But please stay hydrated. I would hate for you to overheat and pass out on the pavement and crack your little nog and stain your beanie, because you will need both when winter starts again.

...Or maybe I just don't get it. I was born with the hair equivalent of a blackberry bush and my head would stay warm if I was camping in the North Pole. And, like I said, it's over 80 here today and yet I'm wearing a dress that has a freaking turtleneck to even out the awkwardness of being tights-less on a Sunday. We're all dumb in our own way.


According to the internet, you're supposed to have a Twitter or nothing you do will ever matter. So now we have one! I have no idea how it works but our name thingy is @ScuzzTown, so yell at us on there if you want. Something something.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Today's Frenchie Fancy Tip: Bell Jar Behavior

If you are anything like us, you wish you lived in Paris. Especially when it was the 60's! All those crowded jazz clubs and mod music! Young folks dancing in the street and smoking in bed. The art, the new wave, the FASHION! Unfortunately, despite what scientists are saying, time travel seems pretty far off. Same goes for free plane tickets to far away places.

But we aren't bringing these images up just to put a damper on your day. No sir! We are here to offer up an idea. One that will trick your mind into believing you were lucky enough to be born French. One that will fill up your evening and buzz in your head. One that doesn't require airfare to accomplish!

Today's fancy trick to feeling like you're a Frenchie is to...

Go to the movies! But skip out on the overpriced soda and greasy bag of popcorn and fill some bell jars with wine or champagne instead! (We suggest bell jars because there's just something so magical about them. They've been around forever, can hold a dozen fireflies if need be and come with their very own lid.) Your  favorite alcohol-stowing satchel will work perfectly so leave the bottles at home. You could even sneak a scrumptious chocolate bar in your pocket.

French women are known for looking sharp so wear something classy. We assume you'll be sitting for most of it so why not wear heels to the theater? Find your place in the far back and sip to your heart's content! Pretty soon the shopping mall will melt away, only to be replaced by moonlit cobblestone streets. Your cares will vanish as your cheeks grow warm and pink. You'll find yourself lost in a scene, in a plot twist, in a beat!

And maybe, just maybe you'll feel a bit fabulous. Like a frenchie! But without a looming cloud of cigarette smoke to block the screen.

And if you're like me and can't afford the ticket price, you can always bring France to YOU! Drinking booze out of bell jars won't be nearly as taboo in the close quarters of your living room but it'll be just as cute. Plus VCR's tend to have a 'pause' button so you won't miss any of the action if you're itching for a cigarette.

Here are some of my personal favorite French films to help you get in the spirit:
Une Femme est une Femme (A Woman is a Woman)
The Umbrellas of Cherbourg
Week End
The Triplets of Belleville (an almost wordless cartoon)
Amour de Femme (modern day lesbian love!)
Chacun Cherche Son Chat (When the Cat's Away)
Breathless (a formative film in K.T.'s young life)

Okay! Oui oui! We'll see you there, mon cheri! La mode, c'est la vie*!

*Fashion is life.