Monday, December 3, 2012

New Year, New Look: How to Dress for 2013.

Holy fucking shit, 2012 is almost over. It seems like just yesterday I was celebrating the new year by playing "Stump" in somebody's freezing garage. Assuming we aren't all killed in a fiery inferno when a rogue planet hits us on December 21st, the time has come to consider how we shall live our lives when the calendar flips over.

Are you considering a fashion overhaul or a whole new look this year? Do you know about the wealth of fashion information available on the publicly edited website WikiHow ? There's a guide for everyone, created and edited primarily by middle school students. Whether you want to start dressing like a "Gangsta Puerto Rican" or learn how to "Turn Emo Over The Summer", WikiHow is happy to help you.

Because I am bored and presently unemployed, I have compiled a list of the most questionably helpful, stereotype packed fashion and style guides I can find. Enjoy!

Highlight: "Crazy fun hats (like were wolf hats, sailor hats, cowboy hats, sombrero hats, army helmets, etc.) are a good option also."
Good Look For:  Those of you who are "going for the artsy, environmentalist, Kurt Cobain, Panic at the Disco kind of look"

Highlight:"Keep your composure and grace, but be willing to get your hands dirty if desperate times call for desperate measures"
 "I'll be frank: the divas have big chests. Almost all of them do. Some are real, some are not."
Good Look For: Female wrestling enthusiasts or those of us looking impress female wrestling enthusiasts.

Highlight: "All the pink, frilly stuff needs to go out. Only stuff that looks cool (ripped jeans, leather jackets, black and neon colour shirts..) can stay!"
Good Look For: Eleven year olds looking who consider Blink 182 and The Offspring "pretty much every punk/rock band".

Highlight: "Underwear's waistband must be at the same level around your body. Make sure it's at the same level in the front,back and sides of your hip. You should use a mirror."
Good Look For: People who make us really, really hope the world ends in 2012.

Highlight: "When you buy accessories, don't be afraid of where you shop! Many stores you wouldn't want to be caught dead in might be home to the most fantastic necklace or cutest earrings ever! Hot Topic, Pac Sun, Vintage stores, e-Bay, Good Will and flea markets all have unique jewelry."
Good Look For: Delusional people who don't know stores exist outside of malls, unadventurous rich kids who get a thrill from "slumming".

Highlight: "Own at least 2 or 3 good pairs of drop crotch sweats". Also the only "related article" this one links to is "How to Dress as a Substitute Teacher". What?
Good Look For: Diehard Drake fans looking to prove something to the world. 

Highlight: "Buy Great Clothes". Oh, how helpful. Thank you.
Good Look For: Me. Dress for the job you want, right?

What's your favorite misguided fashion advice? (Aside from ours, of course). Are you gonna keep dressing as you do, or have these little lists inspired a great change?

We love you!
Andrea & KT

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